Written: 10/30/2012
Ryan Andresen was recently denied his Eagle Scout because he’s gay. I think I’ve written about him before, but I wanted to pass along a good interview that he and his mom did with Anderson Cooper:
I think it’s telling that gay Eagle Scouts from around the country are sending him their medals.
Because he is an Eagle Scout. Maybe not “officially” by the National Council, but to who it matters, other Eagles, he is one of us.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/28/2012
I love Dan Savage. Probably more than I should, but he’s a powerful and effective voice for the LGBT community. He often says what needs to be said in public and moves us all forward.
Which also makes him a target.
But he nailed it on the head. Hate groups like NOM, FRC and their ilk want to keep kids in the closet, and don’t want to give them any hope. And that leads to children’s suicide. No question about it. Dan spoke about this and caught flak, but I think what he said was justified.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/28/2012
Now, I wasn’t told to my face, but please remember, those who fight against equality are increasingly more extreme, and more convinced of their own righteousness:
Hopefully my friends in Maryland will vote to approve marriage equality in two weeks.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/28/2012
A lot of Eagle Scouts have been returning their medals and badges, and I can’t fault them, I think that it is a good response to the BSA and a way to stand up and denounce their anti LGBT stance, and even as a way of showing the shame at their horrible record of keeping children safe from abusers.
And it says something that even those who aren’t involved in the program (or were only Scouts for a short time) understand the significance:
It breaks my heart to see so many people having to give up their badges to make their point. As a member of the LGBT community and a one-time Scout, I couldn’t express my gratitude enough because I know firsthand the extent of years, patience, and perseverance it takes to reach Eagle. It’s such a tough place to be in when you feel like you have to give that honor up to defend a higher moral standing. I wouldn’t blame anyone for having a difficult time deciding whether or not to give up their badge and I certainly cannot pass judgment.
Will it make a difference? I still don’t know. But I certainly hope so.
And if it doesn’t make a difference, at least it lets the world know that we won’t stand for the bigotry.
As for myself, I fought hard for my Eagle, and fought hard to remain in a place to keep it. So for now I’ll hold onto it. But maybe that will change in the future.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/28/2012
The courts have released the files of the BSA that show the youth protection incidents. And more importantly, what the BSA did not do: report those incidents to the police, especially in cases of suspected or confirmed child abuse.
The Good Men Project sums it up:
It is increasingly difficult to comprehend the enormity of the continued unfolding of inaction and unwillingness to protect children through intentional cover-up and denial
All you have to do is go back and reread that sentence. Now imagine it as the Catholic Church.
And in my mind, the two organizations are just as bad. I’ve railed against it before. But you don’t hide the abuse, you don’t try to cover it up or move the leader. You make sure the child (or adult) is safe in the moment, then you call the police. Suspend the membership until the investigation is done (innocent until proven guilty of course) and then revoke it if necessary.
There is no excuse for anything else. None whatsoever and the organization as a whole should be ashamed.
I don’t understand how not to have a hatred towards this kind of institutional abuse.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/27/2012
One of my best friends is in Central America. She is teaching for a year. I’m actually sitting in the Starbucks where I talked with her on the phone when she told me she was leaving (granted, I’m here a lot, so I guess it isn’t really a surprise).
She is so amazing, in so many ways, and I was super nervous about coming out to her. The stakes were high. I was afraid to lose her. But at the same time, she is someone I can talk to about anything. We’ve had deep conversations about a myriad of topics, usually serious, but also the inane as well, that’s what good friends do.
She’s someone I consistently go to for advice, and she is one of the few people who can tell when something is on my mind, even when I’m trying to hide it: hence she’s one of my best friends.
A few years ago, while we were talking on the phone, there was a pause in the conversation and she asked what was on my mind. I was trying to work through my sexuality in my mind, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it (of course, since it would have cost me my job).
But she has been who I have wanted to talk to about all of this: what’s been going through my head, my hatred of the Catholic Church for their continued disenfranchisement of the LGBT community and the resentment I still hold for the organization I worked with. I knew that if anyone could help me sort all that out, while still giving me the space that I needed, it would be her.
But she’s in Central America. So I took the coward’s way out and sent her a letter. It took me four weeks to write it, I kept hitting a block, but when I finally got past it, I just poured my heart out, trying to explain everything.
I mailed it earlier this week, and it will take 6-10 business days to get there (the lady at the Post Office said Italy is the worst, once it hits their postal system it could be another month). Now I’m holding my breath, waiting for her response.
Will she still accept me and support me? I think so, but still, a part of me is always ready for the worst, ready to walk away to protect myself and ready to continue fighting inside my head.
Guess I will have to wait to find out.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/27/2012
One thing that has been instrumental for me, has been the knowledge that I have a couple space spaces. Sometimes it’s not even going to those place, but just knowing that I have access to them.
One such place is a friend’s house. And we of course argue back and forth, so much of me doesn’t want to be an inconvenience, it’s been lifesaving to have a place where I can put on a movie, sit on the couch and just get out of my head and stop thinking for a couple hours.
There’s more to the relationship than that, I consider him a brother and we’ve known each other for years, and most of all, we understand each other and the monsters in each other’s heads.
Well, maybe we don’t understand the monsters exactly, but we understand that they are there, don’t judge each other for them, and just let each other work through them in our own time, with help from the other.
And that’s so hard in today’s society, I think a big part of the trouble is that we’re men, and the macho stereotypes force us to pretend that we’re fine.
But that safe space is there for me, and I hope that you have your own as well.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/27/2012
This was found on the streets of Seattle. It’s funny:
And for those not in the know, there are some things I won’t explain to you, but I urge you to use caution if you choose to google “Power bottom”
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/27/2012
We’re deep in election season, less than two weeks to go and four states are voting on equality this time around. Slog has put together a great article about debunking the lies that those opposed to equality spread.
Check it out here, they’re important to know.
All my best,
The King of Spades
Written: 10/27/2012
This is apparently making its rounds on Facebook, although I haven’t seen it yet. Then again, Facebook recently changed how much of your newsfeed you actually see (but that’s getting in my real world job and will bore most non-communicators out there, so I’ll move on).
I’ts wonderful, so I’m going to post it here in its entirety:
Listen, I know you didn’t mean any harm commenting on this post and I like you, we had some great times growing up. But Romney and Ryan believe that I am less than you. They believe I am a second class citizen and don’t deserve the same rights that you had the privilege of being born into simply by being straight. They want to add a constitutional amendment that will ban gay marriage forever. It will set us back decades and ensure that I never legally have the opportunity to have a family or a partner in my lifetime.
They also believe that being at your partner’s side when he/she is dying is a benefit, not a civil right. They could keep me from my partner dying in a hospital. Could you even imagine something like that in your own life? Being separated from your wife on her death bed? Could you imagine your marriage never being recognized and being told that your family is not a family and you do not deserve any federal rights that comes with marriage. Over 1100 rights. Did you know that? 1100.
Ryan doesn’t believe in the hate crimes act fought unwaveringly for by Judy Shepard, mother of Matthew Shepard, murdered for being gay in Wyoming. Murdered for being gay. Could you imagine if I was murdered for being gay? Could you really look my mom in the eye and say ‘oh well, we can not prosecute this crime as a hate crime’?
I know there are important issues involved in this campaign. I know people are suffering and the economy has not improved at a rate we all wish it would. Yes, people are suffering but the gay and lesbian community has been suffering for hundreds of years and I am so tired of it. So tired of feeling that I am less than. So tired of knowing I have friends on here who will vote for someone who will keep me a second class citizen for my entire lifetime. I have already spent half a lifetime hiding, half a lifetime conforming. It is exhausting, demeaning and I am worn out. I want to love myself full out. I want a president who can look me in the eye and say ‘You are equal!’ ‘You are equal to everyone else in this country and I will fight for your rights. The time is now and it is long overdue.’ Romney and Ryan could not look me in the eye and say that and I feel sorry for every gay and questioning child who might have to listen to a president who believes that he/she is not equal. Children will take their lives. It is the WORST form of trickle down bullying and it absolutely splits my heart in half. When the president says you are less than, it gives permission to every authority figure, every politician, every teacher, every bully on the playground to push you around and bully you and treat you less than. It is dangerous and lives will be lost.
If this is not important to you, please remove me from your friends list. I need people in my life who love me and consider me 100% equal.
Now I do have friends who are straight, completely support LGBT equality (DOMA, ENDA, the whole nine yards), but still vote Republican for a variety of reasons. And that’s okay. But to those who think that equality is something that doesn’t affect them, they will soon lose me in their lives.
Sadly, this is where I have to put myself. I’ve put up with so much, and felt so much pain. I’m moving to a place that unless you support me, and that includes my fight for civil equality, I will not be around you. I am strong enough to live my life without people, and if I have to choose between those that don’t think I’m equal to them or living a more solitary life, I’ll take the quiet.
I will have one request, at least from certain people, those who I hold out the most hope that they will remain in my life. They have to look me in the eye and tell me that I don’t deserve the same civil rights and love that they do. And if they can do that, I will turn around and walk away, and will cut them out of my life forever.
All my best,
The King of Spades
