Written: 9/23/2012

A short programming note.  I’ve left the BSA.  At the moment, I’m not officially out, but I’m so relieved to be at a place in my life where I can’t be fired for it.

I want to talk with my family (and that includes both biological and my family of choice), before I announce anything here (so yes, this is kind of meta, so by the time you read this, I’ll have announced it.  So maybe it’s not meta, just time-warpy).

I’ll be going back and releasing the posts that I’ve been writing here at the King of Spades over the last few years.  I’ll need to scrub any personal details (especially some of my coworkers), I don’t want to appear ungrateful for the chance I had, working at the BSA, but I also want to show what it is really like working for such a discriminatory organization.

So look for an announcement over on Yesterday’s Nut, and I’ll release posts here as I go through them individually.

I’m planning on keeping this section up, as much as being a gay man is a big part of my life, it’s not the only thing that defines me.  And I’ve really liked this style of writing, so I’ll keep it up.  Not to say that there won’t be some crossover, but I will try not to push the gay side of things down everyone’s throat over on Yesterday’s Nut.

I’ll be back soon, but for now,

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 9/23/2012

At the beginning of the month, I took a new job, leaving the BSA (hence the post, “The King of Spades is dead, long live the King!“)

It is with trepidation of course that I left, it’s a big change, but it really is a good move for me.  I was amazed at how much I was able to accomplish before I left.  In the short term, I was able to close up summer camp in record time, and get everything else in order for the person coming after me, as well as training her.  Now granted, there is a lot that I can’t teach someone else how to do (graphic design and creative), but I did what I can.

In the long-run, I’m super proud of what I was able to accomplish.  Bringing things up to standards in terms of employment for the summer camp kids, the design, the websites and the events that I worked on really are amazing.

I’ve talked with a few of the volunteers, both before I left and after, and it’s nice to hear how much I will be missed, and how I was one of the few people that volunteers liked to call at Flag.

I’m not one to give myself much credit, but I did amazing work, and was one of the best members of the support staff, hands down.

But I have to say, it was a good time to leave.  The BSA was under all kinds of public pressure before due to the discriminatory policies they keep.  But that is nothing compared to what is coming.

And it is absolutely abhorrent that this even happened, but it is now coming to light that the BSA systematically hid child abuse from the authorities.  Much like Penn State and the Catholic Church, the BSA has put their own image in front of the safety, dignity and respect of young people.

I still don’t know where there aren’t riots in the streets (and that applies to all those organizations named).

You don’t hide abuse from the police.  You turn the monsters in and help the victims in any way that you can.  It’s not the organization’s fault (well, it would not have been, had they not moved, hid and otherwise been accomplices to those abusers), but you do what you can to help the victims.  This is not a question or a suggestion.  And if you can’t pass this very, very simple moral test, that why should anyone trust you with any moral question, let alone their children?  My mind simply cannot wrap around these questions.

I have been asked to volunteer with the BSA, to work with the alumni association.  And I love my camp staff kids.  They’ll never know how much I worked behind the scenes for them, as their advocate, and to make our camps safer and more accepting.  But even though there’s no history in these files of anything in the Pittsburgh area, it’s so revolting that I can’t imagine giving time to the organization.

It’s a hard line to walk, I can still do some good, and help so many of my friends here in Pittsburgh, and honestly, I’m one of the few people that can span so many generations of camp staffs to bring alumni together.  But on the other hand, I can’t give any part of the BSA anything until they clean up their mess.

I still don’t know exactly what I’ll do, and I’m not rushing to make any decisions, either.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 9/23/2012

In a previous post, I included a reaction from a former Marine about the one-year anniversary of the repeal of DADT.

I want to pull out a large block from it:

You see, this Marine and I were quite close. We’d gone out on the town clubbing, sat on E-tools eating MRE’s in the black of night, and we’d traded jabs in the barracks about newbies trying to pass off jokes as anecdotes for attention. In his letter, he detailed how not standing up for me when discussions got nasty was, in his words, the “greatest regret of his five years in Marines.” People didn’t know for sure I was gay, but most suspected it.

The irony of “don’t ask, don’t tell” was that not telling was itself a giveaway. As a gay Marine, life in the corps was often difficult for me. I like to think I hid it well with smiles and overachievement, but when you know someone well enough, you can always tell when something is wrong.

It was my friendships with Marines like this corporal that kept me alive, kept me going. But, the one thing we never shared was my constant fear of being kicked out or of being killed by one of my own. That I endured on my own. After a few incidents with my Recon company, I even went so far as to move off base because of fear for my safety. It’s an unsettling feeling to be afraid of your own family.

I see a lot of parallels.  Hiding my life behind smiles and achievements, those who probably suspected, but never stood up for their family members and friends who are gay.

And I find it poetic that one of the few people that can easily see through me (and not care at all that I’m gay, it’s a total non-issue) is a former member of the Army special forces.  But he’s one of the only few who has ever looked through me, seen that something is wrong, and given me a safe space and asked what he could do to help.

I’ll be back with more later,

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 9/23/2012

I can only hope that those who read this blog, become ally’s for the LGBT community.  I’m not asking you to march, to protest, or even give money.

Understanding I think is just as important.

And I can’t (and wouldn’t want you to) make you feel what it’s like inside my head, to face the daily discrimination that I do, but I think a new resource is a good read, and can supply a good baseline understanding of the daily struggles the LGBT community faces.  It covers a few different areas:

• The Opportunity to Earn a Living and Provide for Ourselves and Our Families, which requires: fair and inclusive workplaces and access to workplace benefits.
• The Ability to Pursue Health and Happiness, which requires: access to health insurance; physical and mental health; access to competent and welcoming health care providers; access to identity documents needed for daily living; and freedom from discrimination
• The Ability to Take Care of the Ones We Love, which requires: the freedom to marry; secure legal ties between parents and their children; and caring for a sick partner or child.
• The Ability to Be Safe in Our Communities, which requires: inclusive hate crimes laws, safe schools, and welcoming faith communities.
• The Chance to Serve Our Country, including military service and public servic

Check it out online here.

All my best,

The King of Spades