Written: 08/07/2010, alternate title, “Covered in sadness”
Prop 8 was struck down on Wednesday, which just happened to be one of my favorite volunteer’s birthday (and the President’s). I was at work when the news came in. The news came in, and I was grinning ear to ear.
But I didn’t let anyone see.
Later, I was working late, like always, and was the last one on the floor. Or at least, I should have been doing more work than I did. I was scouring the web, reading everything I could about the decision, reading all the reactions. And I teared up a little bit. I don’t understand all the legal ramifications, scenarios are discussed and they are dizzying in not only their complexities, but also the multitude of them. I’ll leave that to the lawyers, for now I was just happy.
I’m so happy for the decision, for the people of California and for equality everywhere. But at the same time I keep stumbling upon the haters, the bigots, and the people who have nothing but malice for how I was born. I can’t understand that kind of irrational hatred. But I am confronted by it. And the anonymity of the Internet is a driving force for many instances (as well as a communicator’s dream to study), but I have this amazing ability to internalize all of it, and keep it bouncing around inside my head.
The next day, I somewhat purposely didn’t go to lunch on time. I didn’t want to overhear the hate that would be spewing. Although, to be fair, two of my co-workers who I eat at the same time as have mentioned in the past that they’re for marriage equality, stating that, “let them be miserable like the rest of us.” I’ve heard that a lot, and it seems to come before real acceptance, and I’ll take it. But I knew I couldn’t be around another co-worker, so I stayed at my desk for a while before going up to the lunch room.
I know I need to stop letting stuff get to me, and embrace the celebrations in this major victory. It’s something for me to work on, it will certainly help in every aspect of my life, but for now, it’s still hard to see the hate, and seeing how it overshadows what should be a personal celebration makes me that much angrier with the person, and with myself.
All my best,
The King of Spades
