Written: 12/10/2011
A good friend and co-worker died in a car crash over Thanksgiving.
I heard the news, and as I am wont to do, moved on quickly. I spent the entire night, talking with friends over Facebook, text message and on the phone, a trend which continued the next week and a half. I helped to write the letter to the Board, camp staff members, and the messaging we put out on Facebook.
I helped to type up the memorial service, and spent an entire day finding and cleaning up an image of my friend.
The day after his funeral, a day which ended with a bit of a mind fuck, I went to the funeral of my great aunt. I didn’t see her that often, so I wasn’t that upset, but it was sad to see my grandmother so sad.
But during her funeral, it hit me about my friend, and I had a hard time holding it together.
Whenever there’s a death, I always go into comforter and organizer mode. I’m the one who helps keep everything else from falling off the tracks, and supports everyone else. That’s just what I’m best at. I don’t let myself break down, I take care of everyone else. There are too many things to do, and there is nothing we can do to bring back the dead.
And while this has led me to another realization (which I keep forgetting to blog about, but hopefully I will soon), it’s let to another problem: I’m have the predisposition to be really emotional, and I guess that sometimes I’m afraid of showing that, especially at work, lest I lose control and spill some information and lose my job.
I actually didn’t go to my friend’s viewing, for a few reasons. First, by that point, I was so spent from spending so much time getting ready for the memorial service that I didn’t think I could really handle it. On top of that, I didn’t want to see all of my camp staff kids.
It’s strange, I’ll do just about anything for them, even if they don’t know it, or believe it. But I’m always pulling strings for them behind the scenes that they’ll never know. I like to take care of them as much as I can, although sometimes, I just need to be alone and not around that many people.
I’ll miss my friend, of course, and I hope that we can have a good season in his memory.
All my best,
The King of Spades
