Written: 09/25/2011
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell ended on Tuesday. I’ll have a lot more to write about this, I have some amazing videos and articles to share about it. This post is going to be all over the place as I try to grapple with what’s going on in the military, in the Boy Scouts and in my head.
I’ve been trying to figure my own emotions about this, and I’ve found that I’m conflicted, and I shouldn’t be.
Of course this is fantastic news. The world hasn’t ended, soldiers can serve their country openly, and the world actually is a better place.
I find myself wishing for more, and selfishly, wishing that I could have the same freedoms.
And then of course, I beat myself up because I’m feeling that way. I’m a human being and deserve the same dignity and respect that others are given. So part of me gets mad at myself for feeling what I’m feeling. But they are my emotions, and I need to own them.
Like I said, it’s a whole lot of craziness going on inside my mind right now. It’s kind of turmoil in there.
I’ve been waiting for some sort of horrible reaction to reach me, either on Facebook, or at work, but so far nothing has. Granted, the GOP debate filled that hole, and I’ll be writing about that later, but personally, I’m thinking either the people around me are actually thinking rationally, or I’ve done a good job hiding all my bigoted acquaintances from my Facebook feed.
I wasn’t supposed to be at work on Tuesday, the first day without DADT, but due to a board meeting, and the apparent necessity of a presentation, even though I was dead tired (as was the whole team), so the day passed by unnoticed by me, as I think it did most people: The sky didn’t fall, the seas didn’t boil. As the British are keen to say (now at least, since it’s trendy), everyone kept calm and carried on.
Do I wish better for me, yes. Do I wish we didn’t have to fight for basic rights, yes. But by the same token, I can appreciate the fact that we have fought and won for what we have. That nothing has been handed to us and that we have picked ourselves up and demanded equality. So we keep fighting, we have to. I think the struggle wears me down. Probably more often than I want to admit. But the fight also keeps me going.
For now, my mind will keep reeling, as I try to understand now only the world around me, but how I fit into it, and how I see it. I’ll be back with more, I have a lot more to talk about this subject. But for now:
All my best,
The King of Spades
