Written: 8/13/2012

A quick update here, I just finished Jeremy Hooper’s book “If it’s a choice, my zygote chose balls,” and it’s amazing.

Hooper writes the site Good As You, and the book is a great journey through his life and great writing about the struggles LGBT people face.

The ending (and I don’t have my copy with me, or else I’d quote it), has a great part about rage.  The rage that Jeremy feels at how the world has treated the LGBT youth and the real pain they’ve inflicted.

He mentions that he holds the rage in, but if you look, you can see it in his eyes.  And I’m once again reminded of one of my best friends, the first one who could really see through me, and realize that there’s more to me than I present.

I prefer to hide my emotions, it’s easier that way.  People expect you to be happy, and anything deviating from that just causes drama and makes it harder to interact.

But he was able to see through me, and maybe other people can to, but he was the only one to actually say that he saw more than what I present and to be concerned.  And that meant so much.  We were sitting on his futon in his basement watching a movie, talking and drinking, as we do, and he turned to me and just told me that he knew there was pain behind my eyes and that he was here for me.

And that meant the world.

He never forced me to talk with him, but he’s always an open ear, and I’m the same for him.  His kindness and hospitality is one of the things that has kept me safe.  I’ve explained to him my apprehension about going out with members of the camp staff to the bar, not only because I don’t have the luxury of trusting them, but also because the mountain is not exactly the most welcoming place on earth.

I’m eternally grateful for his friendship, I wish I could somehow repay him.  But maybe the world will change and evolve and the rage will dissipate. I think that would be a great gift for him and the world.

All my best,

The King of Spades 

Written: 8/13/2012

Over the weekend, my brother and sister (in-law) celebrated their wedding with a big reception.  Since the ceremony was small, a lot of out of state family couldn’t make it, so they had planned to have this reception.

And sometimes, I realize that I forget how much I love my extended family, and how much stereotypes are way off.

A bit of background, my sister (in-law), which by the way, I’ve always just called her my sister, so I have to force myself to add the “in-law” part, is African American.  Her family is awesome, and has accepted me without question and I can’t even begin to describe how much I love hanging out with them.

My uncle and aunt who live in DC have two adoptive children, both of whom are also African American, so I’ve never really thought it strange.  Watching their granddaughter, play with my other cousins on the nearby playground, was awesome.  And none of us could help but smile at the insistence that they not leave, since all the cousins were still playing.  Even my sister’s sister’s child was quickly pulled into the fold, playing with all the other kids his age, acting like just one of the other cousins.

Now, most of this family is from West Virginia.  Sometimes I have to remember that WV left from VA over slavery, joining the north in the civil war.  Maybe it’s because that side of the family is Episcopalian, which, I was happy to see the “The Episcopal Church Welcomes YOU” bumper sticker.  They preach that, and they live that.  It’s true, and I’m always happy to be reminded of.

Now, the other side of the family, is also just as welcoming, except for one exception.  But I am happy to report, that those last few holdouts, have “evolved” on the matter, and welcomed my sister with open arms into the family.  Maybe they saw all the other love and realized that skin color really doesn’t matter, maybe they saw the love between my brother and his wife (can’t say sister there, that would be weird).  But either way, I’m glad the family from PA finally caught up with the majority of civilized society (oh I wish that was true).

Anyway, just a lesson to everyone, myself included, that we need to make sure we’re not making snap judgement and that it is possible for people to evolve.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 8/13/2012

Animal New York, a prominent ad house, has a great feature article up about returning Eagle medals.  The writer, and his dad returned theirs to the National Office.

Two select passages:

It also taught me that I was more and other than who I appeared to be, and this was perhaps the greatest lesson: that appearance should not be trusted, and yet, should be greeted with kindness. A Scout is, in the end, strong enough to be compassionate, no matter how he is greeted in return. This was humbling, because I’d seen my dad teach it to me every day—not in lectures or instructions but by example with his humor and sincere concern.

And the second, which has a special place in my heart:

And then he offered to send his medal with mine. He could, conceivably, be relieved of his position—to which, he said, “and if they do, well, that’s okay.” Would I be “outing” him? No: in his words, “They all know I’m Episcopalian there,” citing the gay-friendliness of our family denomination. He’s made his opinion very clear during district meetings that alienated homosexual-identifying boys need the support and family Scouting can provide. Where are they getting their values if Scouting turns them away?

It is well written and eloquent, and Animal NY is a major house, so this will get read by a lot of people, which is nice to see.

All my best,

The king of Spades

Written: 8/13/2012

Another fun flowchart, click on it for a larger version

I think it was George Takai that first posted it, or at least, his post is the one that seems to be floating around the most.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 8/13/2012

LGBT couples make great parents.  So do straight couples.  There are of course negative examples of both, don’t get me wrong.  But one statement that I made to a good friend was that two straight people can go out and drunkenly make a baby, two gay guys can’t go out one night and drunkenly adopt a child.

However, enemies of equality seem to think that we’re after children to molest or somehow make gay, neither of which are true of course.

Now, Bryan Fisher is on a roll telling people that they should kidnap the children of LGBT couples.  Yes, he’s advocating kidnapping, which is absolutely disgusting (as is the slander mentioned above).

I never made the connection, since the story is in and out of the news as trial dates come and go, but this so called “underground railroad” is kind of already a real thing.  And Bryan Fisher keeps encouraging it.  How very, very sad.

I can’t repeat it enough, the anger and vitriol that comes from parents and anti-equality organizations does real harm to LGBT children (and adults).  This letter, is sadly proof of it:

“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad.”

But of course, I do have to remember that sometimes, there really are good parents who see the light (if they didn’t already), like this father who changed his vote at his gay son’s urging.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 8/13/2012

LGBT couples make great parents.  So do straight couples.  There are of course negative examples of both, don’t get me wrong.  But one statement that I made to a good friend was that two straight people can go out and drunkenly make a baby, two gay guys can’t go out one night and drunkenly adopt a child.

However, enemies of equality seem to think that we’re after children to molest or somehow make gay, neither of which are true of course.

Now, Bryan Fisher is on a roll telling people that they should kidnap the children of LGBT couples.  Yes, he’s advocating kidnapping, which is absolutely disgusting (as is the slander mentioned above).

I never made the connection, since the story is in and out of the news as trial dates come and go, but this so called “underground railroad” is kind of already a real thing.  And Bryan Fisher keeps encouraging it.  How very, very sad.

I can’t repeat it enough, the anger and vitriol that comes from parents and anti-equality organizations does real harm to LGBT children (and adults).  This letter, is sadly proof of it:

“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad.”

But of course, I do have to remember that sometimes, there really are good parents who see the light (if they didn’t already), like this father who changed his vote at his gay son’s urging.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 8/13/2012

Here’s a bit of news I did not expect to write: both presidential candidates are opposed to the BSA’s ban on LGBT members.

Obama, as guessed, is opposed to the ban:

President believes the Boy Scouts is a valuable organization that has helped educate and build character in American boys for more than a century,” White House spokesperson Shin Inouye said in the statement. “He also opposes discrimination in all forms, and as such opposes this policy that discriminates on basis of sexual orientation.”

And Romeny, who said the following in 1994, his current spokesman said he still stands by it:

I support the right of the Boy Scouts of America to decide what it wants to do on that issue. I feel that all people should be able to participate in the Boy Scouts regardless of their sexual orientation.

I honestly thought he would try to walk that back and distance himself from it.  But good for him!

Zach Wahls weighs in, and I have to agree, it’s so strange to see both major candidates from the two parties agreeing on something:

“I couldn’t agree more with President Obama about how important the BSA is to this country’s young men and am proud to have his support. The fact that the Presidential candidates of both major American parties have come together to oppose the BSA’s anti-gay policy in the most polarized political climate since Reconstruction speaks volumes about both the moral validity and critical importance of ending the ban. It’s no surprise that the leader of the free world is willing to advocate for a little more freedom within the BSA.”

I don’t think this will come up as an issue, although I think it would be worth it if it was pushed by groups such as Scouts for Equality, although honestly, there are more pressing issues for the country, just not for me.

But maybe, just maybe, like Pelosi and Gingrich, they’ll come together and do a PSA.  But I won’t hold my breath.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 8/3/2012

Sometimes I forget that I’m not alone.  Not just because Pennsylvania doesn’t have any kind of protections (I can be fired from any company just for being gay and it’s perfectly legal), but the other organizations out there that are just as homophobic as the BSA.

First up, the Salvation Army:

And finally, I’d like Major LaBossiere to explain to my three-year-old daughter how he justifies any of his reprehensible actions in light of the Salvation Army’s pledge to do “the most good.” Because firing someone for being bisexual doesn’t sound like doing “the most good” to me. It sounds like a tragic failure.

And secondly, the gay employees of Chick-Fil-A speak out:

One gay employee who works at Chick-fil-A headquarters in Atlanta, Ga., and asked to remain anonymous for fear of losing his job, says he is getting it from both sides. On the one hand, there is the customer who came in and said he supported Dan Cathy and then “continues to say something truly homophobic, e.g. ‘I’m so glad you don’t support the queers, I can eat in peace,'” the employee, who is 23 and has worked for Chick-fil-A since he was 16, wrote in an email. On the other hand, he continued, “I was yelled at for being a god-loving, conservative, homophobic Christian while walking some food out to a guest in a mall dining room.”

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 8/3/2012

A lot has been written online about the BSA’s ban.  All of them are worth a read, here’s a link roundup for you:

Teaching Tolerance to Boy Scouts

The boy might also notice that the scout oath and scout law are inconsistent with the ban. 

An Eagle Scout no More

Scouts helped make me who I am. Today as an author and journalist I travel alone to parts of the world I can’t pronounce. I accept cultures and people in their own terms. I try to look past our differences and see our similarities.

Why my son can’t be a Boy Scout

“It’s against everything Boy Scouts taught me,” Bruce said about the policy. “It was about learning to be a good man and caring about other people and putting them first.”

An Eagle Scout’s thoughts on the BSA’s policies

Personally, I think that the decision to ban gays from Scouting is detrimental to the BSA and puts this venerable organization on the wrong side of both a rising tide of popular opinion in America and several core American and Scout values.

Scout’s Dishonor: The BSA continues to blaze a trail of intolerance

Do the Boy Scouts really want to be the last defender of an ugly bias that the rest of America has laid to rest?

To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight

So the fight is not over. Indeed, I, along with Jennifer, Eric and the folks at GLAAD (The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) will not stop fighting until the ban is overturned, if not in court, then in the court of public opinion.

The tide does indeed keep turning, and we’ll continue to fight.  And we’ll win, eventually.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 8/3/2012

There is more momentum for Eagle Scouts returning their awards in protest, which is great to see.  Keeping the story in the news and on people’s minds is what’s going to change the policy.

I think I’ve mentioned it before, it did a lot of good for the repeal of DADT and I think it can do a lot of work for the BSA as well.

A new tumblr blog has popped up, tracking Eagle’s sent back to the BSA.  It’s not going to show all of them of course, just those that are sent in to the tumblr blog, but right now, over 70 different posts are live.  I’m hoping to be able to pull some of the better quotes together into a big piece of art once I get back from camp, it will take a while, but I think it will turn out well.

Check it out here.

All my best,

The King of Spades