Written: 8/13/2012
A quick update here, I just finished Jeremy Hooper’s book “If it’s a choice, my zygote chose balls,” and it’s amazing.
Hooper writes the site Good As You, and the book is a great journey through his life and great writing about the struggles LGBT people face.
The ending (and I don’t have my copy with me, or else I’d quote it), has a great part about rage. The rage that Jeremy feels at how the world has treated the LGBT youth and the real pain they’ve inflicted.
He mentions that he holds the rage in, but if you look, you can see it in his eyes. And I’m once again reminded of one of my best friends, the first one who could really see through me, and realize that there’s more to me than I present.
I prefer to hide my emotions, it’s easier that way. People expect you to be happy, and anything deviating from that just causes drama and makes it harder to interact.
But he was able to see through me, and maybe other people can to, but he was the only one to actually say that he saw more than what I present and to be concerned. And that meant so much. We were sitting on his futon in his basement watching a movie, talking and drinking, as we do, and he turned to me and just told me that he knew there was pain behind my eyes and that he was here for me.
And that meant the world.
He never forced me to talk with him, but he’s always an open ear, and I’m the same for him. His kindness and hospitality is one of the things that has kept me safe. I’ve explained to him my apprehension about going out with members of the camp staff to the bar, not only because I don’t have the luxury of trusting them, but also because the mountain is not exactly the most welcoming place on earth.
I’m eternally grateful for his friendship, I wish I could somehow repay him. But maybe the world will change and evolve and the rage will dissipate. I think that would be a great gift for him and the world.
All my best,
The King of Spades
