Today marks the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, what is commonly referred to as the beginning of the modern LGBT equality movement and the reason that June is Pride month.  If you’re not familiar, here’s what happened:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nFxpQG7nBQ

People ask why we celebrate pride.  NoFo writes it much more eloquently than I ever could, here is an excerpt:

We’re proud because despite relentless persecution everywhere we turn—when organized religion viciously attacks and censures and vilifies us in the name of selective morality, when our families disown us, when our elected officials bargain away our equality for hate votes, when entire states codify our families into second-class citizenship, when our employers fire us, when our landlords evict us, when our police harass us, when our neighbors and colleagues and fellow citizens openly insult and condemn and mock and berate and even beat and kill us—we continue to survive.
…
We’re proud because—thanks to the incredible bravery shown by gay people who lived their lives openly in the decades before us—we can live our lives more and more openly at home, at work, with our families, on our blogs … and even on national television.
…
We’re proud because after all we’ve been through, the world is starting to notice and respect us and emulate the often fabulous culture we’ve assembled from the common struggles and glorious diversity of our disparate lives.

We’re proud because this weekend we’ll celebrate with drag queens, leather queens, muscle queens, attitude queens and you’d-never-know-they-were-queens queens, and together we can see through the “pride” in our parade and enjoy the underlying Pride in our parade.

Quite simply, we’re proud that we have so much to be proud of.

We can take some time, and even in the face of hatred, bigotry and discrimination, we can carve a place in this world, claim it our own and celebrate.

We can celebrate the community that we have, the radical acceptance that we embody and the fact that we’ve survived.  We have a chance to come together, remind ourselves we belong to a larger community, have some fun and take back our city; just for a little bit, even when it’s still dangerous to be perceived as gay, even in places like The Village:

This is my home. I’ve walked by that corner hundreds of times while holding Tony’s hand. And now, holding his hand again, I felt sick to my stomach. I felt sick because of the injustice. Because of the loss of life. Because my home had been violated. Because I thought we had moved beyond this. Because I felt vulnerable.

We know that hatred will continue, but still we march forward.  We have pride because it helps those coming after us.  In the words of Harvey Milk, it gives the next generation hope:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWo8BKJCxYQ

And this is a chance to celebrate the fact that I’ve survived.  A chance to celebrate the fact that I’m a proud gay man.  And even that act, powerful unto itself, has hopefully made a difference.

The most important and powerful action a person can make is to come out to those around them.  Then the LGBT community isn’t a scary abstract anymore, it has a face.  If you know someone who is openly LGBT, you see their humanity.  You can understand that we’re not asking for anything special, just the same rights everyone else is guaranteed by the constitution.  A chance to be happy.  A chance to live the life we want, surrounded by those we love.

When will we stop talking about coming out?

“Many of us want to, and will: when a gay, lesbian or transgendered kid isn’t at special risk of being brutalized or committing suicide.
…
“When a gay person’s central-casting earnestness and eloquence aren’t noted with excitement and relief, because his or her sexual orientation needn’t be accompanied by a litany of virtues and accomplishments in order for bigotry to be toppled and a negative reaction to be overcome.”

We will stop talking about coming out when it’s not news anymore, when the last barriers have finally been broken down.  We’ll stop screaming for our rights when we’re finally treated as equals by our government.  We’ll only stop telling our stories when they don’t matter.

This is a bit heavy handed (the original that this parodies was also over the top), but Crew Magazine put this together, and it rings true:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCuw-cIoWa0

So we keep fighting for progress, wherever we can.  We celebrate our advances and keep chipping away at our obstacles: and this month we can celebrate both, as well as the individuals that make up our amazing community.

We’re proud of how far we’ve come.  We’re proud to keep fighting.  We’re proud.

All my best,

Mike

Ten years after Lawrence v. Texas, we have the rulings on Hollingsworth v. Perry and United States v. Windsor.

Pride was this past weekend, and it was kind of perfect in so many ways, and pretty much exactly what I needed.  If you’re interested in what my day was like, read below.  It’s kind of long, and very much like an actual blog (I know, scary, right?).  If not, I won’t be offended either, promise.

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Samantha Bee hits it so far out of the park with this, I’m almost speechless:

All my best,

Mike

Last week, the Boy Scouts national council voted (61% in favor) to approve the membership resolution which allows openly LGB youth to be members of the program (as far as I can tell, there is nothing either way about gender identity, I’ve seen some conflicting reports, so I’ll keep digging).

Which means that children that start off in Cub Scouts (or Boy Scouts, Venturing, etc), are able to come out and be their honest selves.  An amendment to that membership policy to allow openly LGBT adults was sent to committee and it looks like won’t be acted on for a while.  The new membership policy goes into effect on Jan. 1, 2014, leaving time for the national organization to update their youth protection, anti-bullying and other programs.

Of course, this creates a strange situation where youth can come out as gay, would have to leave their troop when he turns 18, but could remain a youth member of a Venture Crew (or Ship or Post) until he is 21.

And this also brings about the biggest hypocrisy, which anyone with half a brain can see: The BSA is proud of you and happy to have you until you’re 18, but after that, you don’t meet their moral code and have to be kicked out.  That somehow, non-heterosexual adults are dangerous and immoral.  

People on both sides were outraged, which was to be expected I suppose.

On the right, we have the hate-groups proclaiming that this is the end of the BSA, and that they should still be discriminating against children.  Yes, let that sink in.  These are groups advocating that a group should be discriminating against children, simply for how they were born.

They scream and yell that this will lead to straight kids sleeping in tents with gay kids.  But they need to remember that that has been happening for over 100 years.  The big lie is that the membership ban is a policy that’s been in place for over 100 years.  The BSA itself is 103 years old, the membership ban was not added until recently (the 1990’s), and then reinforced in 2000 via the supreme court case.

This is not about sex (or politics as many add), it never has been.  Any sexual contact in Scouting is inappropriate, just as it always has been.  I’ll never really understand the obsession those on the right have with gay sex.  Seriously, they think about it more than I do, or any LGBT friend that I have.

And to reiterate…again…there is no link between homosexuality and pedophelia.  I’ve written about it extensively, The case against discrimination.

But they need to realize the public component to sexuality, that’s the missing piece.  A Senior Patrol Leader talking about scheduling his Eagle Scout project around a dance he is attending with his girlfriend is the public side of sexuality.  There is nothing inherently wrong with that, just the scheduling woes of a typical teenager.  But for a gay kid, having to tiptoe around details in his life is a minefield.  And not exactly trustworthy either.

No one is asking or saying that Scouts are completely open about every facet of their lives with other members of their troop.  But tight bonds form, lifelong friendships are forged and a whole patrol works so closely together that it’s like a family.  And hiding such a big part of your self, even a fact that has no bearing whatsoever on your abilities as a Scout, is asking the impossible.

What those opposed to this also need to remember is that the BSA is faith-based, but does not subscribe to one particular faith.  You can’t impose your own doctrine onto others or use it to set policy.  And there are plenty of religions that reject the idea of homosexuality as sin.

On a side note to this, I get a certain amount of glee watching the folks at On My Honor freak out over all this, but their membership (and again, you can’t hold everything random facebook group members say against the group itself, but when it’s the vast majority like this, you start to make some connections) gives Christianity such a bad name.  The amount of misogynistic, anti-muslim and anti-jew speech, on top of the homophobia, is just appalling.

And on the other side, we have those who gnash their teeth and rend their garments because the change doesn’t go far enough.  This is a stepping stone to full equality and a huge step in the right direction.  They need to remember that this is the more important step, the one that protects the youth.

The BSA is a youth-led organization; it exists for the youth.  Adults that are threatening to leave because this isn’t enough need to check their egos at the door and see this as the positive step that it is.  There are going to be gay kids that need your support in Scouting: be there for them and keep pushing for change from within.

And again, anyone with half a brain can see that the adult membership ban won’t be around for much longer, and kids can see the inherent hypocrisy of the current membership policies.

The BSA is a private organization, and still has the ability to set its own membership standards, just as any private organization does, that is what came out of the Dale v BSA case in 2000.  The government did not step in and make this happen, it is a new policy enacted by the voting members of the national council, a private organization setting its own membership standards.

There is no gay agenda to destroy the BSA or the foundations of the United States.  There is only a wish to be seen as equal, to be treated fairly and to offer every single youth the chance to be part of a fantastic organization.

And we need to remember that this is a big step forward, the BSA is no longer discriminating against children: treating every youth with basic human decency.  This is not adding sexuality to the Boy Scouts, this is simply acknowledging that LGBT youth exist.

Scouts for Equality and the Inclusive Scouting Network (along with the HRC and GLAAD) continue the fight, even though we don’t know how long it will take.  But more change and full equality is coming.

Today we celebrate.  Tomorrow we continue the fight.

All my best,

Mike

This is actually the second time I’ve written this out (I got distracted, surprise surprise and I timed out), which means I’ve lost the list of links I had here.  But suffice to say it’s the normal hate groups predicting the end of the BSA and in this case, demanding that we keep hurting kids (and the leaders that voted for the change, seriously, there were calls for drownings).  By this point, you can probably recreate what they said on your own, so we’ll let them keep their filth to themselves.  A few other councils have announced they are in support of a fully-inclusive membership policy, so it’s nice to see that spread across the country as well and the opposing group to Scouts for Equality is trying to form their own national group, but since they can’t find one that hates the right people, they are mulling making their own new organization from scratch.  Which will be great once they get sued for using Merit Badge (which has a copyright) or anything else similar.

I love the phrase “For science!” so I was excited to see a study released about the affects of marriage equality and discrimination:

[P]reventing gay and lesbian couples from getting married leads to negative side effects, including a 37% increase in mood disorders, a 42% increase in alcohol-use disorders, and a 248% increase in generalized anxiety disorders, according to Mark Hatzenbuehler, a psychologist at Columbia University.

And the opposite is true as well:

Hatzenbuehler has also found, in a study conducted in Massachusetts, that gay men experienced fewer stress-related disorders after that state permitted gay marriage.

In a study tracking the health of 1,211 gay men in Massachusetts, Hatzenbuehler found that the men visited doctors less often and had lower health treatment costs after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage.

It’s interesting to see studies showing this, and just the fact that having the rights we fight for are enough to boost public health.  Coupled with the economic benefits of marriage equality and non-discrimination ordinances, it really is a no-brainer.  And that’s science!

You can read more about it here.

All my best,

Mike

The BSA national board meets in fourteen days and on the agenda is the change to membership standards, which would allow openly gay youth, but not adults.  The staggering amount of information from their various surveys has been released, and I think it’s presented in a bit biased way, seeing as all the pro-equality comments are skimmed over at the very end of the information packet, but that may be me nit-picking.

The voting process itself is amazingly intricate (although from what I gather, no more intricate that votes of other large corporations or governing bodies).  The big news of course, is that the largest backer (in terms of sponsoring units), the Mormon Church, is supporting the proposed membership standards.  In fact, only one of the major sponsoring partners is against the change.

And no, the proposed change is not perfect.  But it’s a step towards full equality, and a step in the right direction.  We have to remember that.  Right now, kids are being discriminated against, and that kind of institutionalized discrimination drives young people to suicide.  So even though there are plenty of adults, like me, who would love to go back and volunteer, we have to check our egos at the door and remember that this is a youth organization and we have to support the youth first and foremost.  This isn’t about us.  We have to abide by the campsite rule and make it better for those coming after us.

And yes, the policy basically comes down to this:

But youth are smarter than we give them credit for, that I promise you.  They see the hypocrisy, and understand that it’s a step in the right direction (not to mention that it’s not a viable solution long-term, just in terms of the gray definition of youth when you pull in OA and Venturing).  But this gives them a place to be safe, a place to belong and a place where they can finally be themselves, become better citizens, be exposed to hobbies and vocations and develop skills they’ll carry their whole lives.

And besides, LGBT members have always, always been members of the BSA.  We just lean on those around us, and recognize that there are many fighting for us inside the organization as well.

In the meantime, an equality minded similar organization is showing growth, the UK Scouts (where it all started) is inviting everyone to join them at Pride celebrations this summer and a gay former Scout spends a day with a local troop, giving them the best cinematography merit badge classes ever:

Zach Wahls, founder of Scouts for Equality, mops the floor with an anti-equality activist, and the Good Men Project hits is perfectly with this essay.  A father and son team are cycling across the country to raise awareness for the membership change, while at the same time, conservatives aregoingcrazy making shit up (three separate links there), and the epicenter of all this, the Cradle of Liberty Council in Philadelphia, will be vacating their long-time headquarters because of the national stance (that they tried to work-around).

Also, in the weird side of things, the Family Research Council has nothing else to do besides steal photos, badly doctor them and try to pass them off as from Irving.  I don’t have anything to add to that, but sometimes, you just have to acknowledge the bizarre and keep on moving.

We’ve come a long way since BSA v Dale.  We have further to go, but this is a step towards full equality.  If you haven’t already, contact your local council, or donate to Scouts for Equality.

Community has always been a very important concept for me.

Throw on top of that, how much I enjoy doing community service, and I found an awesome group: Gay4Good.  Once a month we get together and give our time to a different non-profit around the city.  I did my first project with them over the weekend, and had a really good time.

A couple people asked me though, what the point of the group is.  Their reasoning is why does there have to be a specific gay community service group?  Why label it and just keep it open to everyone.  While I think there is some credence to that line of thought, I think we’re at a place and time where these kind of groups are still needed, and more importantly welcomed.

I explained that for a couple reasons, I think the very idea of a group is great: one, it provides a group where we don’t necessarily have to worry about being judged, not being our full selves, and can instead just pitch in together and do some community service.  Two: it’s good PR for the LGBT community, you know the whole “we’re not monsters, look we’re doing community service!” line of thinking.

But I also think that it also helps us build community.  It goes back to the idea of a family of choice.  We can choose who we serve with and we can see the support that we have, even if it’s not always as evident as we wish.

I’ve done a lot of community service.  A lot of much larger weekends, but it was still a lot of fun.  We all pitched in to help the Downtown Pittsburgh Partnership with a couple different projects, and aside from a few differences, it was very similar.  I felt more relaxed of course, and I found out that I have a very different definition of “clothes you don’t mind getting dirty” than most others.

Next month, we’re participating in the Harvey Milk International Day of Service and doing three simultaneous projects across the city (followed up by a happy hour to benefit a fourth charity), which will be fun, and once again, it looks like I’ll be playing in the dirt (more landscaping).

And a fun aside, there actually was a straight guy with our group this time.  Granted, he was there for court-ordered community service, but you know, he was there working with us.

And yes, of course there is a nerd component to this.  One of the reasons I love the Myst community so much is the fact that we really are a community.  We care about each other, we know each other and we reach out to each other in so many ways.  Also, fun fact, depending on the translation from Sumarian, URU means community (or more commonly, “city”).

Anyway, I’m excited to help out again as often as I can, and I’m very happy to have found a part of the LGBT community that I think I feel very comfortable and welcomed in.

All my best,

Mike

The Washington Post has a great profile on two gay brothers, one an Eagle Scout, the other finishing up his project and paperwork now, and their involvement in a local protest to encourage the National Capital Area Council to vote for equality.

Here’s the crux of the matter:

For those who are against including gay youth in the Boy Scouts of America, they don’t see a continuum in someone’s life,” Felker said. They don’t see that little boys who think kissing anyone is gross discover only later who they want to be on the receiving end of that gesture. “What is it about that person’s character that suddenly makes them incompatible with the core values of the Boy Scouts? They didn’t change from being cute little Cub Scouts into being morally questionable adults. They’re still good guys. They still really care about the social good.”

A switch just doesn’t flip making someone gay and making them suddenly lose all the positive values they’ve learned from the BSA, nor are the two mutually exclusive.  They never have been.

And again, it’s not as if there have never been gay men and lesbians in the BSA, we’ve always been there, working to make the world a little better.  And we see the positive impact that the BSA has on kids, and has on adults (they learn quite a bit as well), and it’s important that as part of the greater world, we’re part of the BSA movement as well.

All my best,

Mike