Written: 2/12/2012

This really isn’t a gay issue, more of a men’s issue.  But I thought I’d put it here under this section.

Remember, all men watch porn (and those that say they don’t, are lying).  But very few murder their children.

In the wake of the Powell tragedy, a story out of Utah tries to blame porn for the killings.  Which, is ironic, since you’ve probably read elsewhere, that Utah has the highest consumption of porn per capita in the country.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 2/7/2012

Slog has a guest piece up about the problems with marriage equality:

The flaw at the heart of “marriage equality” is that, in purporting to institutionalize (normalize) gay sex/partnerships, it produces but another universe of legally codified restrictions that excludes millions of other peoples. It legally codifies prejudice against people who are single and justifies it through the veneer of “gay rights.”

While gay relationships are not so different than straight relationships, I guess that in many ways they are different.  The gay culture is different.

And there is a point that maybe we shouldn’t try to emulate everything from the rest of the society, lest we lost some of our own identity.  But of course, I’m for marriage equality for the strength it brings families, the stability it brings children and the rights and responsibilities it brings members of society.

But it’s an interesting thing to think about.

And I guess it’s been on my mind more lately.  I’ve always been more of a loner, and I’ve always been happy to be single.

Although that’s been changing lately, and I know that that’s been making it harder to stay closeted at work.

I can’t stand clingyness, and I would not be able to be in a codependent relationship.  But the more I think about it, the more I think about how it would be nice to have someone to share life’s adventures with, to lean on, and something I think I’ve mentioned before, someone to help me learn to let myself be helped (grammar gods help me).

I was talking with a good friend a few weeks ago and I was kind of hinting at that feeling.  She’s always thought that I should be with someone and more importantly, she’s always pressed me to be more open to the possibility, for which I am thankful.  I told her it was her fault that I was opening myself up to these thoughts more, and of course, she was happy for that.

The Good Men Project has a heartbreaking article about a set of brothers, and while the article goes off into territory unknown to me (abusive father), the first part, where the author describes his brother being more of a loner and happy by himself, felt connected to me (although usually I tend towards more adventure type things instead of a weekend on the recliner watching tv, let alone sports).  It’s a good read, check it out.  And I’m going to try to dig out some stuffed animals.

But who knows, it’s easier to keep my job and not make waves without a boyfriend, but I know that’s not something I can keep up forever, while I also know I wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship and keep this job.  So I keep moving on I suppose, one day at a time.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 2/7/2012

Dan Savage has a fantastic piece over at Slog:

The Supreme Court has ruled time and again—at least when it comes to heteros—that marriage is a fundamental human right. The question we’re wrestling with now is whether gay people are humans and therefore entitled to fundamental human rights. Courts have ruled that states can prevent murderers and rapists and child molesters from living in certain neighborhoods, from voting, from driving. But the state cannot prevent them from marrying

This comes after Santorum told a gay man that he is not entitled to the right of marriage, since it would not benefit society.

Marriages are a benefit to society, two people caring for each other is a benefit.  People who are married keep each other healthier than they otherwise would be.  They are able to work together as a team to raise (or not raise) children.  And marriages offer over 1,100 civic rights, duties and privileges, all of which should be available to everyone.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 2/6/2012

I have a strange news feed on Facebook.  I have a few that sneak through that are rabidly anti-gay and Catholic.  So the current kerfuffle about the changes to health care have been causing them some anxiety.

I have seen people argue that it is religious persecution that Catholic employers (aside from Churches, so hospitals, colleges, etc) comply with healthcare guidelines and cover contraception and reproductive health.

Let’s take a step back and realize something:

Some 98 percent of sexually active Catholic women in the United States have used contraceptive methods banned by the church, research published on Wednesday showed. A new report from the Guttmacher Institute, the nonprofit sexual health research organization, shows that only 2 percent of Catholic women, even those who regularly attend church, rely on natural family planning. The latest data shows practices of Catholic women are in line with women of other religious affiliations and adult American women in general.

So right there, we can just stop the gnashing of teeth and rending of garments.

And no one is saying they need to be forcing any of these services on employees, the government is just saying that if you are taking tax-payer money, you need to offer a minimum level of care, which includes reproductive health.  You know, since it’s a part of health.  Mother Jones sums it up beautifully:

I’m tired of religious groups operating secular enterprises (hospitals, schools), hiring people of multiple faiths, serving the general public, taking taxpayer dollars — and then claiming that deeply held religious beliefs should exempt them from public policy. Contra Dionne, it’s precisely religious pluralism that makes this impractical. There are simply too many religions with too many religious beliefs to make this a reasonable approach. If we’d been talking about, say, an Islamic hospital insisting that its employees bind themselves to sharia law, I imagine the “religious community” in the United States would be a wee bit more understanding if the Obama administration refused to condone the practice.

I can understand compromising over a very limited number of hot button issues. Abortion is the obvious one. But in general, if Catholic hospitals don’t want to follow reasonable, 21st century secular rules, they need to make themselves into truly religious enterprises. In particular, they need to stop taking secular taxpayer money. As long as they do, though, they should follow the same rules as anyone else.

I care about these issues because I’m a human being.  Because I can care about other people’s health without judging them, and because it always seems like certain groups are always opposed to the march of equality and progress.  And maybe it will continue to pay off and we’ll all keep standing up for each other in the face of adversity.

Update: The connection between any minorities rights is clear-cut.  So fighting for women’s rights, is a no-brainer.  Hopefully it is for you as well.

 All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 2/6/2012

Generally, it seems, each younger generation tends to have more accepting views of civil rights.  And I’ve said it before (and we all know I’ll keep saying it, sorry) that my generations defining civil rights issue is marriage equality.

However, we have to remember that parenting really is important.  A high school paper recently published an editorial advocating for the death of homosexuals because it is called for in the Bible, The Stranger covers it here.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 2/6/2012

You don’t vote on civil rights.  One of the purposes of government is to make sure that minorities are treated fairly and properly, and not held hostage by the whims of the majority.

You don’t vote on civil rights.  Thinking so is asinine and moronic.

You don’t vote on civil rights.

New Jersey, which is posed to pass marriage equality through its legislature is faced with Gov. Chris Christie.  He has promised to veto the bill, because he wants the people to vote on it. He’s been called out on this idiotic statement by lots of people, including the NAACP and the ACLU.  Let’s take a look at a map to remind us of why we should not be voting on civil rights:

On the other side of the country, check it out as State Senator Murray argues this point against a Republican colleague.  And while we’re on the topic, how would you like it if we filed a referendum to vote on your marriage?  The Stranger is trying (tongue in cheek, I believe) to get the state to vote on the marriage of anti-gay Attorney General McKenna.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 1/16/2012

So, I’ve never really considered myself flamingly gay.  Yes, I”m sure I mask what I can to protect myself and keep my job, but I’m more “go with the flow” anyway.  Although I do have a really strange sense of humor, and sometimes I think that comes off as kind of stereotypically gay, even when I’m just amusing myself.

But, I have some strange interests, that I think kinds of mask my sexuality.  I don’t see them like that, they are just things that interest me and I enjoy, so I’m not really lying to myself or anyone, but I guess some could take them as me hiding.

Hockey!  I freaking love hockey, and specifically the Pittsburgh Penguins.  I’ve never really liked football, and well, I grew up with the Pirates, so I guess I kind of defaulted to hockey.  But I find it much more interesting than other sports.

Beer!  Also goes great with hockey.  But specifically, craft beer.  I love finding new kinds of beers, especially those from small breweries around the country.  I’ve discovered that Oatmeal Stouts are my favorite, and generally, winter is the best time for beer ever!  Although there are some really awesome summer beers as well.

Zombies!  I’m from Pittsburgh, and Monroeville specifically, so of course I have to love Zombies.

Graphic Novels and D&D!  (at this point, I’m just adding exclamation points to keep it going)  Aside from a few bloggers, and of course, Fanboys of the Universe, this tends to be more of a straight guy nerdy thing.  And yes, I’m totally okay being a nerd.

Geocaching!  I guess this falls more to a family thing.  But I like exploring new places and hiking and finding buried treasure.  Also: pirates.

Scuba diving!  There are actually quite a lot of gay scuba trips, but I think when most people think about undersea exploration, at least right now, they think about the most interesting man in the world.

Okay, so maybe the list loses some of its potency as it goes on, but, I guess the point is that I have a lot of diverse interests, and that people are more than just their sexuality (what you have between your legs, what you do between the sheets and what goes on between your ears).

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 1/16/2012

I love Glee.  I really do.  And I know it’s probably a sterotype, but it’s an awesome show.  Most of the music is great, and Brittney is laugh out loud funny.  Santana’s snark is spot on, and the story lines are so far out there, it’s great (Thank you, Sue Sylvester for marrying yourself).

Additionally, Coach Beast, is a fantastic role model, and a phenomenal educator.  She really cares about her students, and understands them in a way I don’t think the other characters on the show do.  I wish there were more episodes with her (and they need to bring back Lauren, Gweneth and Kristin Chennowith).

Another great aspect is the scope of gay male characters on the show: three main characters (plus a new Warbler who I can’t remember his name, but he’s a weasel trying to steal Blaine), Blaine, Kurt and Karovsky.

Kurt is the feminine, kind of flamboyant gay kid.  Blaine is dapper, boxes, and you wouldn’t know he was gay unless he said anything.  Karovsky was a bully, and it turned out it was self-hatred, him being closeted himself.  He left the school, but we’ve seen him since, and I think we’ll see him again.

I’m so glad there are lots of examples for varying types of gay men to see.  So often, gay men portrayed on network shows are most like Kurt.  We don’t get enough Blaines and Karovsky (after coming out, just being a gay football player).  And I think that that hurts the cause.  My next post is about my strange, diverse list of interests.  And many items don’t fit into the stereotypical gay interests.  So I think it’s important include gay guys from the whole spectrum, but then again, I’m not in charge of a television network.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 1/16/2012

The Catholic Church (the church mind you, not most of the people that I know) has a special place in my heart for their continued hatred of my very existence, especially when coupled with their own misdeeds.

However, if you followed the Prop 8 battle in California, you probably kept hearing about the Mormon influence.  Millions and millions of dollars crossed over from Utah to fight marriage equality (and it worked, although it may ultimately lead us to a win at the Supreme Court with AFER at the helm, but time will tell).  “8,” is the documentary about the Mormon influence, and a lot has been written about the subject.

Prop 8 trial tracker writes about it:

I didn’t know much of anything about the Mormons until I got involved in gay rights advocacy. Then I noticed their name popping up time and again, reaching a culmination in their abominable support for Prop 8, which quite literally took rights away from millions of gay people. And to add salt to the wound, Prop 8 was going down until the Mormons stepped in and saved the day.

There’s a reason that some people have issues with Mormons. It’s because the Mormons have issues with us. The day the Mormon church stops being one of the largest purveyors of hate and bigotry in America today is the day the Mormons earn the right to complain about how they’re treated by their own victims.

It’s a tough issue, one of my favorite bosses was (I saw was since I no longer work for him, he’s still alive, and as far as I know, still Mormon) Mormon and he was incredibly fair to work with, and we have had fantastic conversations (he’s also a history/law professor, and very, very intelligent, so great to chat with).

So I always find it hard (with Mormons and Catholics) to separate how the organization views things with how my friends and acquaintances do.  I know it’s something I need to work on, but its a knee-jerk reaction to protect myself.

Update: This is still really hard for me, and something I work on, but it is so hard sometimes to separate the good people I know from the vile organizations they put their stock in.

All my best,

The King of Spades

Written: 1/16/2012

“Reparative” or “ex-gay” therapy is total bullshit.  It’s harmful, bigoted and preys on people’s irrational fear to make a buck while trying to indoctrinate children (and adults) that there is something wrong with them.

And to prove it, the head of Exodus International even knows that it’s bullshit.  Check it out here.

Remember, you can’t change your sexual orientation (although it may ebb and flow throughout your life, but you can’t do anything to force it), you were born that way and you’re exactly the way you should be.

All my best,

The King of Spades