Written: 10/24/2010
This has been floating in my head for almost as long as I’ve been thinking about things, but never knew quite how to write it. I’m going to try.
I’m sorry.
Once I figured things out for myself, I decided that I would not tell anyone until I my work situation changed.
Please believe me when I say it is not that I don’t love you. Quite the opposite in fact. I didn’t want anyone to have to lie for me. I wanted to protect you.* I did not want to put anyone in the awkward situation that might have arisen. It was not that I thought I would not be accepted, or that I would lose anyone’s blessing. In fact, I think the vast majority of people will be either indifferent (since I’m not in bed with them and it doesn’t matter) or happy for me.
But my life should not be a burden to anyone else.
So please accept this apology. Know that it was my decision, made out of love for you. I hope you can forgive me, and understand me a little better.
All my best,
The King of Spades
*And yes, that opens up a whole conversation about me trying to decide things for others, but we’ll put that aside for now (and for space concerns, I feel like I could go round and round for pages).
